Keeping up with the Christian Joneses

by Sabrina Beasley

The other day I was sitting at a ladies fellowship meeting at church.  It had been several months since I’d been to one, and before that it was rare for me to go.  With such a little boy at home and battling the normal busy schedule of life, I felt that I needed to give up some of the “extras” at church for a while to spend more time with my family. 

That night, I was sitting next to a friend who had only been a member of the church for a year.  I’ve been a member for three years, but it would seem the other way around.  My friend seemed to know almost everyone!  She was hugging and greeting and introducing me to women whom I had never even seen.  I was so jealous!  How could she know so many people?  How could she find the time to be so involved? 

Coming home, I felt frustrated and disappointed.  I was almost in tears.  I didn’t only feel lonely and isolated from not knowing anyone, but I felt ashamed for not being diligent to get to know everyone like my friend had.  Since becoming a mom, I’ve struggled with these same feelings over and over—failure, uselessness, and possibly the worst—feeling like I’ve failed God.

I gave up a lot to become a mother—a ministry job that I loved, personal time, sleep, projects, money—like all mothers.  I put a lot of dreams on hold, and I even gave up most ministry opportunities like the ladies ministry and choir at church because I didn’t want to take time away from my son.  I knew from the day he was conceived that he was my biggest ministry, and that meant time, energy, and sacrifice. 

But deep down inside, I have often wondered if God was still pleased with me.  Didn’t He want me to use all that I had for Him?  Didn’t He want me to join all the ladies Bible studies at church so I could learn more about Him?  Didn’t He want me to get involved in all the community projects so the gospel could be spread?  And if I was going to quit all of those godly things, shouldn’t I at least be able to keep my house clean, my son well, and my husband happy? 

With all these burdens on my shoulders, I felt like such a failure.  I was overwhelmed, feeling out of time and energy.  How could I do it all?

Then I read something that reopened my eyes, and breathed fresh air into my soul.  In a desperate attempt to reconcile my injured heart, I opened a basic devotional.  I couldn’t even tell you what the words said, but somehow through that devotional, God reminded me of the words of Christ in Matthew 22:36-40:

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And [Jesus] said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor or yourself.’  On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

Love my God and love my neighbor—that’s all I have to do to fulfill God’s entire law.  Now that’s something I can do!  There was nothing in Jesus’ words about Bible studies … or church choirs … or community projects … or even clean houses.  My community projects are to love those people who are around me every single day—my neighbors—not some distant far-off people group, and above all, to let my love for God spill over and out from every crevice of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that Bible studies or mission work are needless or that God doesn’t call particular people for particular purposes.  Quite the opposite.  But I do believe that we Christians sometimes put burdens on ourselves that are unnecessary and bring only self-inflicted guilt.  It’s almost an unwritten rule that good Christians must load their schedules and lives with good Christian stuff to do, and as a result, our families are strangers, our hearts unfulfilled, our minds stressed, and our Bible reading and prayer life shallow. 

God doesn’t care if your house is clean or your schedule is marked with every available church event for the next six months.  What He wants is our hearts and minds and souls, and to share our love with the people we come in contact with throughout our lives.  It’s not complicated. 

I believe that there is time for everything (see Ecclesiastes 3), and perhaps one day there will be more time to enjoy more of the ministry opportunities that the church offers.  But in this season of life, when the bonding years of my children and my family are still soft and moldable, I can’t in good conscience spend my time trying to keep up with the Christian Joneses. 

What I later realized about my friend at church was that she is in a totally different phase of life than I am.  She is a newlywed, married only a couple of months, no children, no pets.  On top of that, she lives only a few blocks from our church, and I have a 30-minute drive.  There was nothing to be jealous about—she was simply in a different stage of life.  I was able to live the same way when I was in her shoes.  Ironically, she later told me that she is looking for ways to cut out church activities to make more time for her new marriage.

If you find yourself where I was—unable (and unwilling) to keep up with the fast-paced Christian life, then be at peace, my friend.  God is pleased with simple living as much as He is with a life filled with activities.  What matters is the condition of our hearts, not the amount of Christian acquaintances we have, people that we reach, or even the amount of Bible studies we attend.  God makes all things beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11 KJV).  As for me, I’m ready to start living on His time and not everyone else’s.  I’m ready to live the Christian life the way God intended—guilt free. 

Comments

[Crystal]

Thanks for this. This new mom needed the encouragement! :)

[m]

thank you, thank you, thank you! you are so speaking my language, this is something i need to hear as i continue to struggle immensely in this area.

[Melissa Multitasking Mama]

Amen, amen, amen! and did I say amen? Thank you for this!

[Tiffany Temple]

Amen!! There are so many of us that can relate to this post. I was once as you described then I did as you did...I turned my eyes off of others and focused on God. He directed me to life much more fulfilling than keeping up with the Joneses including the Christian Joneses. It's still a journey, but the difference is that I have the confidence and know how---how to follow after peace, how to wait on the Lord, how to walk in love. The next step is obedience...hmmm :)

[Standing on Truth]

What a beautiful reminder this is. . .and a blessing to me today. Thank you!

[Kelli]

As a missionary mother of two preschoolers, I can wholeheartedly affirm the heart of what you're saying! While I am called as a Christian to make disciples of the people where we live, my primary disciples are the two little people who live at my house. One Scripture that has been of particular comfort to me is Isaiah 40:11 -- "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." God is not an unreasonable taskmaster; he does not require of me more than I can give at this stage of life. No, he gently leads those of us who are raising preschoolers!

At the same time, each one of us as Christians (NOT just "missionaries") is called to go and make disciples. Each one of us as Christians is told to be witnesses to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth. "Missions" is NOT to be delegated only to those who are "called;" we are ALL told that this is our job as Christ-followers. As moms of preschoolers, we can't necessarily be the ones to literally carry the gospel to the unreached people group in a spiritually and geographically remote place. However, as Christians, we are most certainly to understand that such "distant far-off people groups" ARE our neighbors. Their salvation IS our concern, even as (especially as!) mothers of preschoolers who are watching us as we try to love God and others. May our children see God's love for lost sheep reflected in our lives each and every day!

[Sara]

This is a great reminder to not settle for the good things while the best are being overlooked, perhaps undervalued! Thanks Sabrina.

[Gaby]

Wow! I so needed this today. I am trying to get re-connected at my church...it seems like after the birth of my son it took everything I had just to stay above water, leaving room for very little else. Now he is 2 years old and has a baby sister, and even thouh I am busier than ever, I feel like God is easing me back into the fold, little by little. I think I went too far the other way, only barely making it to sunday services, after being there almost every day of the week for something or other before having kids. I also felt like I was letting God down somehow, but now I know that the key is to find a good BALANCE. My focus is at home with my kids, but I also needed the accountability, ministry and friendship of my sisters in Christ. I dont need to be involved in everything, just in what He has called me to. For me, it's my praying wives club (once a week) and the ladie's group (once a month). That on top of being a SAHM to two kids and a wife to my husband is PLENTY OF MINISTRY RIGHT THERE!!
Thank you soooo very much for this article.:)